Northern Trust vs Carib Beer XI,

Greenwich Park, Wednesday 7th August 2024

Unlike historic Carib match reports that have been borne out of Benfleet and have always been 100% accurate and could be fact checked by all and sundry, the following will have a slight over reliance on myth, legend and mis-placed memory. This deviation is solely the fault of Northern Trust who have failed to provide photographic records of the scorecard, and even if it was present, couldn’t be relied upon for accuracy. This potentially slanderous previous sentence was admitted by the post match NT employees who attended the post-match beverages in Greenwich. Furthermore it was witnessed by the entire NT Carib contingent who were horrified to learn their employer could be so flippant with facts.

The record books showed that NT won the match with 3 balls to spare, a shortened game of 18 overs due to an August date and a post 6pm first ball, but whose to know what facts can be relied upon when numbers don’t match up and the scoreboard is only being updated every 3 or 4 overs.

What we do know is that upon arrival at Greenwich The Caribs were short of numbers, a few players had consumed a beer or two, the weather was warm, but overcast, the pitch was rainforest green, some kids were playing football in the outfield, Martin wasn’t there to shoo them away and no one wanted to open the batting in the absence of regular opener Alex.

To put it another way, the perfect conditions for reigning Man of the year and long time Carib hero Goochie to step up to the plate and offer his services to Vice Captain Weaver. Weaver seemed reluctant to give another opportunity to Goochie who is averaging double figures this year to further stake his claim as the peoples champion. Weaver was ultimately left with no choice after his rousing appeal for anyone but Goochie to partner Rishi at the crease resulted in no one stepping forward.

Therefore out to the middle strode the Bristolian housewives favourite Goochie and Rishi. A few overs ticked by with little action, a few unplayable deliveries were fended off and the score was ticking along at slow to steady pace. Rishi seemed like he couldnt settle, its likely, but unconfirmed that this was largely due to the imposing presence of Goochie. Being the kind hearted sole he is, Goochie who seeing how Rishi was struggling, and knowing how desperate Rishi was to score some runs for the Caribs after a series of no shows and low scores he was decided to edge one to the keeper. This heroic and should be vote winning self sacrifice freed Rishi of his shackles and allowed him to start playing with fluidity. Rishi quickly raced to 25 and retirement, other Caribs came in and also scored runs despite NT deploying a ferocious Sub-Continental attack of pace and spin, sometimes rolled in to the same bowler.

After 18 overs the Caribs had scored a respectable 113 runs. This was a fact checked total as the Caribs honourable gentlemen had been scoring and updating as any doting team would do. Honourable mentions in the total must go to Nitin who played a few lovely hooks and Alex who finished the innings with a perfect cover drive which all post match NT employees voted as the best shot of the innings and this feeling was corroborated by a further 80% of the Carib players in attendance.

NTs innings started with a wicket. NTs Mr X skied the opening delivery to Rishi who took the catch perfectly. Due to the local law being in force that players couldn’t be out first ball, Rishis efforts were for nothing. Thankfully a few balls later and another skied effort went to Rishi, unfortunately this time he couldn’t take the catch and so within 12 balls Rishi had failed to take a single wicket despite having two dollies dished up to him. The Caribs were using their long bowling line up throughout the NT innings and it was not long before yet another catch went Rishi’s way. This time he managed to hold on and so he could claim a final wicket statistic in catches of 1 from 3.

NT appeared to be behind in the run chase throughout the first half of their innings. Mr Weaver’s changes stifling the NT batsmen and very few runs being conceded to our toughest foe – Mr Extra’s. Round about the 12th over the scoreboard seemed to get an update and it soon became a requirement to need about a run a ball. A few dodgy overs later from some of Mr Weaver’s less successful changes (surely a vote loser in the end of season vote race), and suddenly NT only needed 1 to win from the final over of the match.

The first two balls resulted in 0 runs and a wicket which bought NT Jack to the crease. The next delivery resulted in a voted for by 100% of the post-match NT employees as NTs shot of the match - a cover drive for 4 and victory for NT with X wickets to spare.

At this point it was off to the pub to discuss the match itself and face the reality that Northern Trust whilst being excellent cricketers, 2 wins from 2 this year against the Caribs (not that excellence is a pre-requisite for that stat to bear out), are slightly poorer in what should be their specialty, namely timely and accurate bookkeeping. I'm sure next year will see a return to normality on the scorecard front, and a continuation of the 2 from 2 wins wise for NT.

Carib Beer XI Lose by 6Wickets

Scorecard