Carib Beer XI vs St Martin-in-the-Fields,

Battersea Park, Wednesday 17th July 2019

With trouble on the Waterloo lines, it was not only Caribs but most of the St Martin's team that arrived in dribs and drabs. Instead of the usual air of pre-match anticipation, the atmosphere was full of languor. Indeed, as the captain arrived, the scene of a handful of Caribs on the bench waiting patiently looked almost pastoral. Instead of the typical hard and dusty surface that we've become used to at Battersea, the wicket was a greensward. Yet there was one expectant element remaining in the air: Mr Holmes had secured a new ringer, Heather. Some commented that we had become rather poor at appealing to women and that this marked a positive change. But the real interest was over the fact that she had previously appeared for the England (or England youth) team. Apart from some palpable anxiety that she would show us all up, the team were all keen to welcome her against a strong St Martin's side.

On an overcast evening always threatening rain at Battersea Park, added to the late start of 1830, there was pressure on the number of overs. Ever correct Umpire Michael advised that only 18 overs might be possible. The captain had to acknowledge that the only way to get in the 20 overs was to offer to the opposition that we play the increasingly popular 2-runs-and-no-extra-ball rule for no balls and wides. This time, there was an unusual addition to the quick run through of the usual competition rules. The captains clarified that they would be playing the standard laws for overthrows (i.e. have the batsmen crossed as the fielder throws the ball), not the one used a few days before the World Cup final.

Captain Martin lost the toss (to the usual howls of derision from his teammates) and St Martin's elected to field. Mr Weave and Mr Bowen opened, and found themselves up against some tight bowling. Still being a couple short in the field, Captain Martin went out to field for St Martin's and very promptly caught Mr Bowen out driving hard through the covers. He was rightly chided by his team mates for 'celebrating' the catch - throwing it up in the air, which in truth was just in relief that it stuck.

Brand New Ringer Archie (whose selection had nothing to do with his being Goochie's boss's boss's son) was the star performer, scoring a rapid 25, including four fours and a six. Goochie himself picked up a few singles, but found it difficult to find his rhythm. After being bowled, trudging back and removing his helmet, Goochie's expression looked like a picture of anguish more typically found in El Greco's paintings. Mr Holmes came to the crease and played a fine innings, keeping the scoreboard ticking over. Mr Moss commented that we were then keeping up nicely with the rate (meaning something approaching the always-aspired 6 an over).

However, soon after that, the rate slumped. Archie ran out Mr Holmes - run outs are always a particular cause of torment - wickets continued to fall, and the Caribs were hoping that Heather would arrive in time to come to our rescue. Yet the news from Threadneedle St was not good. She was further detained. And our innings finished on 91, and that included 25 wides. This was a target that was going to require us to bowl St Martin's out if we were to have a chance of winning. St Martin's new bowler, Michael, proved to be a good find, to add to an already strong side.

Sadly, bowling them out was not to be. But the Caribs' performance in the field was not without its merits. We contained St Martin's openers well, both strong batsmen, and including another St Martin's new boy, Luke. New for 2019 Carib Nitin had a couple of loose deliveries despatched, but otherwise kept up good pressure from the Clapham end, whilst Swanand bowled superbly and consistently from the river end. Swanand particularly was unlucky not to pick up more wickets.

Credit to Goochie in the field down at fine leg. Although the wides racked up - 23 in total - Goochie did a fine job stopping that from being rather more. He seems to have perfected a style of not worrying too much about his hands, and just throwing his body in front of the ball. Not quite the MCC coaching manual, but it works which is what matters to the Caribs.

And credit to Swanand for some good motivational cheerleading from the slips, to keep the Carib spirits up.

Sadly, matters were so bad over in the City that Heather had not managed to make it to bowl either. But on a high point, our new ringer, Archie, looks like a promising new find, with both bat and ball.

In the pub afterwards, conversation moved to golf, and Goochie spoke of his admiration for the late North Korean dictator, Dear Leader Kim Jong-il's remarkable round of 34, 38 under par, on his first ever round of golf. The original story had 5 holes-in-one, but sadly, things got exaggerated by North Korean sycophants later to raise it to 11. As this story says, golf could use a little less exaggeration. Not something you'd find in any Carib match reports …

https://www.golf.com/tour-and-news/kim-jong-ils-record-setting-round-may-not-have-been-all-it-was-cracked-be

Carib Beer XI Lose by 8 Wickets

Scorecard