Carib Beer XI vs Delta Rail - June 29th 2010

Our opposition this week was one of our perenial favourites, Delta Rail, a team that even with Martin Haigh in our ranks usually descends into a beer soaked evening of mid innings collapses, wides and sledging. Several of the Delta Railers used to be work colleagues of some of our more venerable players, so first name terms are the order of the evening from the word go, as are the SPPLLSSSHHH of beer tins being opened in preparatio for the long stint in the field. As has been the case for the prevoius few games, our greatest batsman and talismanic figurehead Martin Haigh remained injured, although on the mend, leaving our hapless stand in the aging medium pace bowler Carib Rogerson in charge of proceedings.

As we arrived at the ground, a bag light, we were rather dismayed to find the clubhouse locked up, and the pitch itself in the midst of an invasion of "locals" engaged in games of football and other sports, popular in that part of London. Both teams congregated in front of the locked pavilion, ruing the fact that the only cricket bag not to be in attendance was the one that contained the stumps, being safely ensconced as they were in our Keen wicketkeeper, Andy Bowen's, legendary "Office Draw". As we stood around, performing the only activity that seemed to fit the occassion, consuming the contents of some of the large number of beers in attendance, while the old timers reminisced about various activities they had enjoyed together in the past, hoping against hope, as the minutes ticked by, that the "North London Council Man" would come to our rescue and liberate the stumps from behind the locked door at our backs.

Nevertheless, there came a point where we had to decide what to do, and various diverse suggestions were put forward by the massed ranks of the Delta Railers and Caribs, each more bewilderingly daft than the last. One suggestion that kept cropping up, however, was a suggestion to employ some of the smaller rucksacks as some kind of stumps, much like working class people are wont to do when setting up a game of football on the housing estate's recreation ground. Some of the more extreme variations were dismissed, such as having someone adjudicate whether the stumps would have been hit, or balancing several beer cans in three rows to mimic a set of stumps, the latter dismissed on account of the fact that opening a can of beer after it had been struck with a cricket ball would likely deposit its contents all over the pitch, rendering it unsuitable for consumption.

Eventually, however, two suitable bags, and a set of rules largely similar to normal cricket were agreed upon, with the exception that the game would now, because of the delay, be 18 overs each, and wides would not be retaken, with 2 runs awarding to the batting team following their occurence. Our stand in captain, Carib Rogerson, tossed up with the opposing skipper, and promptly, for the first time this year, won the toss. Relishing the prospect of reporting his success to Martin, still on the flight back from the Netherlands, Carib Rogerson decided to field first, and began rallying his troops and heading out onto the pitch, carefully placing two suitable rucksacks at each end of the pitch in readiness.

Carib Rogerson, stand in captain, and our usual opening bowler decided, on account of being in the middle of a horendous loss of form, to demure to two of the Carib's first change bowlers, namely Messrs Carib Willis and White. Both began well, with Carib Williis in particular finding some accuracy straight away. Amazingly, considering he only had a small ruck sack to aim at, he managed to hit them twice in his second over, once played on, and the other, struck flush in the centre. Given that we had anticipated a high scoring game on account of the reduce likelihood of being bowled, this was a great start.

John Bell was next in, and being one of the Delta's better batsmen, began to make things slightly more difficult for us, and began to find the middle of the bat, even despatching some of our opening bowler's twirlers to the boundary. From the other end, however, our old Village Blacksmith, Carib Cordey, began his spell, and was immediately amongst the wickets. Carib Worthy took a great catch, and although Aging Skipper Rogerson fluffed a difficult chance, Cordey struck next ball to remove Steve Curtiss, again bowled. Fearing that the Delta Rail batting line up might be completely routed before someone else had a chance to bowl, Stand in Skipper Carib Rogerson decided to give Mr Cordey a break, a decision that seemed somewhat harsh, given that his first 3 overs had yielded 4 wickets, while from the other end, Carib Willis had already secured 3 for himself.

Second Change bowlers were our specialised Fine Leg fielder, new member Andy Moss, and lapsed Tour Manager Andy Weaver. Amazingly, neither of them were to suffer the hammering they usually do, their figures likely saved somewhat by the fact that each wide only netted two to the opposition, and weren't retaken. At least half their deliveries, therefore, only gave away two runs each, as they took advantage of the chance to shore up their bowling figures for the carnage that surely awaits their next attempts.

Nevertheless, as their charity bowling spells came to an end, the Old Medium Pacer and Stand in Skipper Carib Rogerson threw the ball back to Carib Cordey to complete his four overs, and hopefully, secure another wicket to add to his existing four. As it was, we were not to be disappointed, as Carib Cordey, his blood surely up, raced to the wicket and flung down ever quicker spinners towards the hapless late order nurdlers of the Delta Rail line up. His last over was irresistable, and the remaining Delta Railers crumbled under the onslaught, giving Mr Cordey, and it is believed, the Carib Beer XI itself, their first ever Five Wicket Haul. The heart of the Delta Rail batting line up had been ripped out mercilessly, with five wickets falling to either bowled or LBW, surely a clinical destruction, given that they only had small rucksacks to aim at. As it was, the Delta Rail batting card showed that they had advanced to a very gettable 78 runs, with 21 of those being on account of the extras column, and we relished the prospect of a very nice victory to add to our tally of two thumping losses.

Our reply was something of an anti-climax, and somewhat uneventful, given that we failed to lose a wicket until the very last ball of our innings. Dan Tungate, another of our newest members, opened the batting with the usually circumspect nurdler Carib Berry. Carib Berry took a four off his first ball, while Dan Tungate began carefully against the two useful opening bowlers. However, it wasn't long before they were replaced by the charitable deliveries of the now tipsy second change bowlers, and our innings picked up the pace as we headed toward our target. Carib Tungate reached his 30 with a towering six, bringing Stand in Skipper Carib Rogerson to the crease to continue his good form with the bat.

Carib Berry easily surpassed his retirement score of 25, at, if the scorebook is to be believed, a run a ball. Carib Rogerson also had little to trouble him during his innings, despatching several coruscating cuts and straight drives to the boundary as he raced towards 25 himself, eventually retiring on 28 off only 17 balls. By now the victory target had become an irrelavance, but it seemed a shame to put an end to such an enjoyable evening, so it was agreed that we would bat on and complete our 18 overs.

By now, however, our talismanic Captain and sadly injured Best Batsman had arrived from Europe and had hastily made his way from City Airport to take up his position behind the Blue Rucksack to adjudicate proceedings. However, Martin's horror at the abject state of the opposition, each it seemed, with a beer can in attendance, and several empties balanced precariously behind the "wickets" was palpable. Cries from behind the bags of "There's a time and a place for drinking, and a cricket field is not it", and "drinking on the field is a despicable carry on" and "I can't believe how low this bunch of scoundrels have sunk since my injury" could be heard ringing around the ground (the last one perhaps an exaggeration) and could be discerned by all. We did our best to look sheepish while downing the last of our beer, but failed miserably as our captain's remonstrations became ever more forceful. Although we all of course, and none more so than stand in skipper Carib Rogerson, wish Martin a speedy recovery to his rightful place at the head of our gang, we can't help consider with some trepidation the punishing regime he will likely have to implement to drag us out of the depths we have sunk in his absence.

Nevertheless, with the game safely in the bag, and in an evening of firsts, we realised we had secured a TEN wicket victory. Rob White and Andy Moss were given the job of playing out the last couple of overs, tasked with pushing our score on and grinding the opposition further into the dust. Carib White managed to take a full 22 balls for his six not out, and although it appeared that we were also to bat out our entire innings without losing a wicket, it was Carib Moss who was to be the only man to fall, skying a simple shot down to leg slip to give our hapless opposition their only cause for celebration during the evening, although that didn't appear to stop them drinking a toast to almost every run, four and wide during the course of our innings.

That only left of course the lively banter on the boundary as we trudged off to finish off the last of the beer, reminisce and decide who would be the unlucky bearer of the kit bags for the week. The only point of note was the author's overhearing New Member Carib Worthy's discussion of his "penile rubbing", a reference, apparently, to an affliction that accompanies his every attempt to cycle home. As the evening closed in we headed off to the pub, Mr Worthy no doubt to rub his penile, relishing another fabulous evening with the Delta Railers, in what has become one of our most enjoyable evenings of the year, and a well deserved victory under our belts.

Carib Beer XI Win by 10 Wickets

Scorecard