Carib Beer XI vs AEAT Old Boys - July 6th 2009

By Guest Reporter Floppy Hatted Twirler Ringer Bailey

This week the Carib Beer XI met with familiar opposition in the shape of the Old Boys on number one Pitch, Regents Park. Both sides were able to field a full strength side with Carib loaning a few outfielders to the opposition, whose late-comers straggled in under the thundery July sky. Usual Match reporter, aging Fast Bowler and Vice Captain Rogerson was absent for this game. His replacement, former Floppy Hatted Twirler Ringer Bailey sporting a new Razor-Rimmed headpiece was observed notebook and pen in hand skulking on the boundary for most of the early match.

Captain, Best Batsman and Leader Martin Haigh discussed the plans for the game with the opposition captain and agreed a shorter 15 over innings, due to the threatening weather conditions. Both captains inspected the pitch assisted by Bludgeoning Flame Haired Northerner Phil Cordey, who likened the wicket to a Tunnock Tea Cake; “all soft on top with a hard, biscuit-like base underneath”. This was emphasised when Captain Haigh broke the special bamboo stump hole drill attempting to set up the stumps. The toss took place under the tail of a light shower, taking longer than usual as both captains minutely inspected the newish looking 20 pence piece for signs of a date. Having won the toss, Captain Haigh elected to bat and immediately dispatched Rugged Ringer Dan Tungate and former Floppy Hatted Twirler Ringer Bailey to take the edge off the attack. Rugged Dan took first strike from the City end with the newly Razor-Rimmed Bailey, supporting well for the first few balls. However the Tunnock tea cake-like conditions of the wicket caused problems for both openers, as the deliveries slowed deceptively and over-pitched alarmingly. It was not long before Rugged Ringer Dan Tungate was “Tunnocked”, clipping a fine edge to the Keeper for nought.

Next up was Tour Manager Andy Weaver. Determined to hold up the early end and avoid a repeat of the Tooting Bec run-out scandal, our intrepid Tour Organiser let a few singles slide while he got the feel of the field. Managing to avoid a few early scares, our Intrepid Tour Master started to notch up the score with the lion’s share of action falling to his bat. Boundary observers noted that this was due mainly to Mr Weaver keeping the strike so long and suspicion grew that Razor-Rimmed Ringer Bailey was attempting to slyly carry his bat. However, this was later played down as the opposition umpire was suspected of having trouble counting the deliveries. The Weaver-Bailey partnership then started to bite as the boundaries and singles came faster. However, our Razor-Rimmed Ringer was not to repeat his marvellous display at the crease from the previous match. Having spotted a weakness in the fielding strategy of the opposition, he attempted Chinese Cut through long leg only to play on, taking his own leg stump in the process for nought.

Up forth was Best Bat Hero Uttam who faced some very curious balls from new bowler Draper. Draper, whose style has been likened to one Malinga, gave our Hero a few uncertain moments. However, the lad soon found his length and started stroking to an outfield, which was slow and robbed our Hero of some deserved boundaries. It was not long before Hero Uttam retired on 25, being replaced at the crease by Captain, Best Batsman and Leader Martin Haigh. Mr Haigh also found the pitch somewhat deceptive due to the conditions. A change in the bowling attack however bought some relief as a number of wide balls followed requiring both our intrepid Batsmen to have to catch a bus to some of the deliveries. The style of new bowler Howard (likened to someone lobbing a Molotov Cocktail) suited our brave duo and both players enjoyed a nice spell firing boundaries.

Tour Operator Weaver was the next to retire on 25 and was replaced at the crease by Bludgeoning Flame Haired Northerner Phil Cordey. Carib’s Best Cheerleader Phil found it hard to settle to the attack, slashing wildly at a couple of deliveries before being caught and bowled for nought. As cries of “shame, shame” rang around the field, Bouncer Bowling Ringer Jarrod Worthy hastened to pad up, having only just come off for a late-arriving opposition fielder. Stuffing the remains of his cheese and pickle sandwich into his trousers (his box having been misplaced) he proceeded to join Captain, Best Batsman and Leader Haigh at the crease.

After conferring in the middle both batsmen noted a change in the wind. The pitch by this time had dried out somewhat and the ball was beginning to swing noticeably. Despite this, Ringer Worthy got off to a good start with a cut to fine leg for a single. His next shot was a straight Boundary over the wicket which upset several empty cans of Becks Vier and scattered the Boundary-bound watchers.

The partnership continued well and Captain, Best Bat and leader Martin Haigh took his total to 28, retiring with his sixth boundary through mid-wicket. The tail was taken up by Line and Length bowler Rob White, who escaped an early delivery which floated over his bails. Bouncy Bowler Ringer Worthy took the innings total over the Century mark with a quick two but the partnership missed a successive couple of easy runs to the opposition whose sleepy field contemplated the hill they were to climb. A hefty Worthy sky to square leg and subsequent Line and Length White prod to mid wicket were typical of the shots which saw the innings out. Carib’s total: 116 for 3. A quick glance at the skies and even quicker change over saw the attack taken up from the City end by Line and Length Rob White. The first few deliveries set the tone for Carib’s game plan, as the bowling and fielding was kept tight. The opening opposition partnership of Draper and Ford found slim pickings at the crease and were pinned by the line of Tweaker Harris, delivering from the Zoo end.

First blood fell to our reliable Match Organiser Tweaker Harris who dismissed Ford for 15 with a clean ball through his middle stump. Despite this, the gallant opposition fended off an early collapse by prodding and defending, for little return. Motivated by the encouraging cries of Flame Haired Chief Cheerleader Phil Cordey (“Come on Carib, keep it tight”) and sensible field placement of Captain, Best Batsman and Leader Martin Haigh, Carib’s fielding was noticeably tighter than in previous games.

A change in the batting line up saw the Old Boys run rate improve. This was emphasised when third batsman Moss (not to be confused with Fine Leg Ringer Andy) slashed couple of deliveries for six. When a short-ish White delivery was skied behind the wicket, Captain, Best Batsman and Leader Haigh sprung forward gazelle-like towards the falling plumb. His cries of “mine, mine” to nifty Keeper Bowen had opposition Umpire Read raising his finger in disbelief only to have it whipped down again as Mr Haigh fumbled the catch.

However Carib rallied from this small set-back and when Moss attempted to play a boundary through the wicket off White he was thwarted by Flame Haired Cordey’s incredible piece of acrobatic fielding. The opposition were left further stunned by a quick succession of LBW appeals from the Flame Haired Cheerleader, all of which were ignored by Official Umpire Michael Lee, muttering that the Carib Bludgeoner was “standing square to the line”.

With three tight overs to his credit, Line and Length Rob White yielded the City end attack to Bludgeoning Flame Haired Northerner Phil Cordey. Despite spraying a few balls with his left arm round technique, the next wicket fell to ‘our Phil’, who clean-bowled frustrated opener Draper.

Next up for the opposition was stalwart bat Wallis. It was at this point that Captain, Best Batsman and Leader Martin Haig discerned the Old Boys’ batting strategy and decided it was time to put himself into the attack. Bowling from the Zoo end, Captain Mr Haigh kept his deliveries unusually tight and despite seeing third bat Moss find the boundary was rewarded when a ball to Wallis found the grateful hands of Fine Leg Ringer Andy Moss.

Flame Haired Phil completed his third over with no more wickets and was followed in the attack by Fine Leg Ringer Andy Moss. Andy’s slow languid style, reminiscent of Nijinsky’s balletic style was not to the opposition’s liking. However, their middle order had some idea of what to do with a bat and aided by a number of wide deliveries they made steady progress. Opposition Moss retired on 28 and replacement Edmondson proved just as unlikely to remove.

Having no Carib Rogerson (the aging fast bowler and vice Captain) available to him, Captain and Best Batsman Martin Haigh turned with trepidation to Bouncer Bowling Ringer Jarrod Worthy to continue the attack. Ringer Worthy sensing the opportunity to dislodge ageing fast bowler Rogerson as first choice attack in his absence proceeded to put on a display of fast bowling the like of which hasn’t been seen since since Father Ted Crilly’s Craggy Island XII took on the Clonrichert All Stars.

In truth Ringer Worthy’s deliveries were just too pacey, giving Keen Wicket Keeper and Chief Snapper Bowen little chance to take the snicks and edges which came his way. Wicketless and frustrated, the Permy first choice Ringer could only console himself with an improved line and rate per delivery of 5.5; let down by his length which was neither short nor long enough, most of his deliveries sailed close over the off bail.

Despite this the opposition could find little cheer as their run rate to win now exceeded 20 per over. It was left to Tour Organiser and reliable medium pace man Andy Weaver to finish out the attack with the final over. The opposition total was 76 for 3 and victory was with the Carib.

At this point, our gallant Captain Martin Haigh agreed to the opposition request for “afters”. Stunned by the turnout of their whole team the Old Boys asked for four more overs to allow their lower order batsmen time at the crease: in particular antipodean import Fagan was keen for a bat, having recently arrived from net practice in Perth.

Turning to Rugged Ringer Dan Tungate, Captain, Best Batsman and Leader Martin Haigh called for more of the same. Rugged Ringer Dan wasn’t to disappoint: having spent most of the afternoon prowling between leg gully and extra cover, he immediately showed his prowess with an acrobatic stop from his own delivery to Edmondson.

Next up from the Zoo end was Hero Uttam, who learning from Ringer Worthy’s frustrated display pitched some fine short, pacey deliveries that had batsman Thomas flailing before seeing his off stump tumble.

A pause for thought from Captain Haigh and prompts of “Bring on Rob, bring on Rob ..” from Flame Haired Left Arm Round Phil Cordey saw Razor Rimmed Ringer, dodgy twirler Bailey bought into the attack from the Zoo end. His first ball was a sly leg break delivered seam end over which whipped out the leg stump of Old Boys dangerous batsman Fagan, dismissed for 5.

Not content with one scalp, the sharp chapeau wearing dark deliverer Ringer Bailey sent down his forth delivery straight into the rough. Breaking to off stump, the ball sat straight up off the bat of slow-stroker Segal into the grateful gloves of Keen wicket Keeper Bowen.

Returning for the final over from the City end Rugged Ringer Dan was rewarded by seeing the slippery Edmondson run out whence we all retired to the Green Man before the rain returned.

Carib Beer XI Win by 40 runs

Scorecard