Carib Beer XI vs ORR - July 7th 2011

This week, we were to face some new opposition, the boys from ORR, the company that also employs our relentlessly correct Official Umpire Michael Lee, who sadly couldn’t be in attendance on this occasion to witness the birth of his new team. The location this week, however, was deepest darkest South London, Fishponds Green Tooting Bec, almost at the end of the Northern Line and by the time we had all arrived, it was 6pm already, but apparently, such a distance from Central London that only one of the ORR boys had so far made it. However, over the next few minutes, more and more began to arrive, although some were to become lost en route by all accounts, and we began to assume that we would get a game in at some point. We didn’t know very much about ORR, but we had been told that they needed to borrow our kit and had been formed by various methods of press-ganging and other inducements, and that therefore, the odd “I’ve not played in years” 100mph fast bowler, and the occasional “I used to open the batting in high school” six hitting behemoth notwithstanding, the standard of the two teams should be reasonably evenly matched.

For our part, we had only managed to secure a team of 8 bodies, one of those missing being our Captain, Leader and Talisman, Martin Haigh, sadly balancing on the edge of a cliff in Scotland, and leaving the aging medium pacer Vice Skipper Carib Rogerson in charge. We were, however, to witness the return to the Carib ranks of Tour Manager Andy Weaver, fresh from his six month sojourn in South America and relishing the prospect of donning the Carib colours once again. Nevertheless, as the clock ticked on, Aging Vice Skipper Carib Rogerson managed to locate the opposition captain, busily practicing on the field with his team, and began the discussions around the playing conditions that would prevail during the course of the game. After both attempting to convince each other of the complete hopelessness of each other’s teams, we agreed on a 20 over game, with wides to count as 2 runs, but not being retaken. ORR, however, had only 7 players by this point and their skipper requested some additional time to see how many more might turn up. We therefore agreed to a reduction to 16 overs a side to accommodate the extra waiting time, and agreed to start the game at 6.30. A toss was taken, and calling correctly, yet again, Carib Rogerson decided to insert the opposition, and the Caribs went out to mill around the wicket awaiting the appointed start time, and for Carib Worthy to gain some much needed bouncer practice.

Initially, we had planned to make the fielding numbers up to 11 a side, borrowing bodies from the opposition, however, the requirements of this, along with those of providing umpires, scorers AND batsman, given that there were only 15 people in total in attendance, quickly put paid to that idea. The result was that we would field with 9 fielders and the umpire would also complete the scorebook, and for everything else, make the best of it as we went along. The ORR openers came out to bat and Carib Rogerson gave the ORR umpire a brief introduction in how to fill in the scorebook, and marked out his run to take the first over.

The first ball, straight enough, was crashed immediately towards the boundary by the ORR Skipper, and the aging old boy immediately began to doubt his claims that he hadn’t held a bat in years and in fact was about to administer something of a pasting to the hapless Carib Medium Pacer. Nevertheless, the next ball was crashed straight in the direction of our Nurdler in Chief and expert statistician Carib Berry, who pounced, cat like, from extra cover to take a great catch, sending the first ORR batsman back to the boundary. From the other end, the compulsive mid pitch bouncer bowler Jarrod Worthy bowled his own unique brand of mid pitch bouncers, while next over, Vice Skipper Rogerson struck again, removing the middle stump of the number 3 first ball. Sadly, however, his replacement climbed into one of the medium pacer’s half trackers and smashed it again towards our waiting Statistician in chief, Carib Berry. On this occasion, however, the ball wasn’t to stick, and instead, there was a cracking sound and our great Nurdler let out a yelp, dropped the ball, and began clasping his hands in agony. Thinking that this was just routine behaviour for Carib Berry when attempting to take a catch, we initially paid it no mind, but it quickly became apparent that this was no ordinary dropped catch, and that Carib Berry had in fact done himself something of an injury, his finger being bent to one side, and quickly assuming an angry blue tinge.

Carib Berry decided, given the extent of the bruise, that only hospitalisation could remedy the situation, and began jogging off the field in some distress, grabbing his things with his still functional extremities, and making haste towards the park gates and the hoped for succour of the local emergency room for some urgent digital re-configuration. Sadly, this left us with only 7 on-field Caribs, and some further negotiations were called for with the opposition captain to reduce the game to 7 a side, with a single fielding sub from each team to make up the numbers.

After completing their two opening overs, the Aging Skipper and compulsive bouncer bowler demurred in favour of the first change Carib bowlers, Heavily Set Village Blacksmith Phil Cordey, and current holder of the worst bowling statistics in Carib History, Carib Willis. However, their brand of tossed grenades, loopy moon balls and two bounce Yorkers soon began to find their mark and both were able to snare a couple of ORR wickets. At the end of their two over spells, and with the ORR score still manageable, the old Carib Vice Captain even felt able to throw the ball to Overseas Tour Manager Andy Weaver, and edge finding nurdler Carib Moss for a couple of their own particular brand of exaggerated shot putts, safe in the knowledge that even if they were to bowl six consecutive wides it would still only cost the team 12 runs and, with the non-retaking policy, wouldn’t endanger the time available for post match drinking. Incredibly, however, such was the quality of the ORR middle order, that Carib Moss himself was able to induce an ORR Matt to completely miss an uncharacteristic straight one and watch in horror as the ball rolled along the floor and into his stumps, giving Carib Moss a much needed wicket to finally furnish the fourth column in his career bowling statistics.

As the wickets tumbled, it wasn’t to be too long before they had exhausted their supply of batsmen and the openers were able to retake the field for a second dig, and with an over each of the Carib’s four main bowlers to face. Although ORR Nevis had pummelled the hapless Caribs Moss and Weaver with a few lusty blows previoulsy, he wasn’t to last too much longer, skying catch straight up in the air off our veteran skipper. Our generally butter fingered, but very keen wicketkeeper, Carib Bowen ran around in a few circles before eventually settling on a catching position, and to our great amazement, plucked the ball from the air, sending the ORR batsman on his way, and giving our old vice skipper a much needed third wicket. Bouncer Bowling Jarrod Worthy even took a break from bowling his usually array of half track, mid pitch, bouncers to pitch one up, securing the dismissal of ORR Weaving, Carib Willis finishing things off by taking a fine catch at third man. If only the compulsive bouncer bowler could learn to use the ball bowled in the batsman’s half of the pitch as his stock delivery, rather than as an occasional variation, no doubt he would secure more than his average of 2 wickets a summer.

By now, however, the ORR innings had come tamely to an end on the very gettable score, even for the Caribs, of 86. Nevertheless, there were still few volunteers to open the batting so the aging medium pacer, Carib Rogerson, would again open, along with occasionally useful slow bowler Carib Willis. ORR Nevis, the skipper, as well as opening the batting, also opened the bowling, and we were initially somewhat concerned to see that the wicketkeeper had positioned himself some 40 yards behind the stumps, so far in fact that we were only able to determine that he was the wicketkeeper, and not deep fine leg, was the presence of wicket-keeping gloves and a noticeable crouch in his stance. Either he had witnessed the terrifying pace of his skipper before, or was taking the option of only allowing the ball to reach him once it had reached a sufficiently slow rolling speed. As it was, the ORR skipper was decidedly nippy, sufficient in fact to see us make a slow start, the score bolstered by a few wides and byes. Second over, however, the old skipper Carib Rogerson began to find the boundary, hitting two consecutive fours before, once again, playing all round a straight one and losing his middle stump, buoyed only by the fact that, on this occasion, he had at least failed to run himself out.

Next man in was our recently returned Overseas Tour Manager, Carib Weaver, to steady the ship with his usual array of flat batted nurdles and edges down to third man. However, as the ORR attack rotated through their entire team, (even their wicketkeeper removed his pads and began the long walk up from the boundary to take an over at one point), the two Caribs looked relatively untroubled and nudged and nurdled the ball around the square, picking up the odd single, and building quite a healthy partnership. Nevertheless, the target, which shouldn’t have troubled us too much, remained tantalisingly out of reach as the run rate continued at a sedentary pace, to say the least. Although Carib Willis bludgeoned a couple of useful boundaries in his 17, almost four overs were used up getting them. From the other end, Carib Weaver’s 24 took some 7 overs of nurdling to complete, and a quick look at the scorebook showed that we were in some danger of not reaching our target. The concern on the boundary edge became palpable and the two nudgers were left in no doubt that the run rate should increase if we were still to take a victory from the game.

To our great relief, however, Carib Willis fell to a sharp catch in the final overs allowing our generally keen, but butter fingered wicket-keeper, Andy Bowen to enter the fray. Luckily, Carib Bowen’s innings was just the innings we required, smacking 3 fours and several singles in a very useful 15 before we were able to comfortably overhaul the ORR score, with an over to spare, bringing us a fine, if not exactly spectacular, victory by the very decent margin of 8 wickets. The game had been a very enjoyable once, by both sides, confirmed by the lively banter along the boundary edge at the end of the game, and we left for the pub with the promise of a return match next year, and a new and valued opposition.

Carib Beer XI Win by 8 Wickets

Scorecard