Shell Shipping - 11th July 2007 - Regent Park

By Guest Match Reporter, Vice Captain Barry Willis

The Carib Beer XI suffered their fifth defeat from six matches this season at the expense of 5-man Shell Shipping. The Shipmen had sailed to an impressive total, dropping anchor at 145 – the record in any 20-20 match involving the Carib. Despite a few fleeting innings from various Carib batsmen, they eventually sunk at their record score of 128.

Carib were without the trusty fastest bowler Mr Rogerson and dedicated fielder/much improved batter Mr Berry. Mr Cordey and Mr Harris were unable to attend, but a couple of Ginger St Bernard dogs were spotted after the game, suggesting that the two may have been suffering from the same symptoms as one of the characters in a 1980’s childrens TV programme. If this is indeed the case and they do occasionally transform into dogs, then their dedication to the Carib Beer XI should be applauded.

The Shipmen had had several people drop out at the last minute – leaving a disappointing total of 5 players and an umpire. Interestingly, they brought their own stumps (it was the first time a team have ever decided to bring more stumps than players) and had set-up on the Minor Counties Pitch before any of the Carib arrived. The shortage of shippers meant an impromptu discussion between the two captains to change the rules – it was decided that each member of the Sailors would get to bat twice and the Carib Boys would make up the extra men in the field. The Carib squad immediately elected to change the game to Category 2 to allow additional refreshments to aid the extra fielding effort – although in reality they spent the whole game in the field, so no drink was possible throughout. Perhaps a Category 3 match will be needed next season.

Mr Haigh insisted that he had continued tossing practice at home, which left the Carib boys confident of a rare success prior to the big coin flip. Amazing Mr Haigh lost again – which once again meant the opposition captain was more of a tosser than Mr Haigh. To the delight of the home team, the Shipmens captain decided to bat first.

Mr Haigh selected Carib White and Ringer Bailey to open the bowling. They made a steady start – ringer Bailey claiming Opposition Butler LBW. Opposition Butler seemingly tried to put off Umpire Carib Lee by wearing a comedy Boris Johnson mask and hair-do, but the trusty finger was soon pointing upwards – strangely Umpire Carib Lee chose to signal with his middle finger, perhaps he sports some Liverpudlian blood.

The Carib bowlers continued to work hard where Carib Willis took an excellent caught and bowled and Ringer Worthy sent Shipman O’Keefe’s middle stump tumbling. However at the other end Shell Melling was batting an almighty innings. He seemingly only had one shot, but unfortunately for the Carib, it was the only thing on the pitch up to minor counties standards. There was only one occasion where the ball was possibly going for 6, before Carib Willis made a brave stop on the boundary to a ball which came down with snow on. Some Carib players looked pretty harshly at Mr Willis, suggesting that saving 5 runs was not good enough on this occasion, but in reality the rest of the team would probably have misjudged where the ball was going to land!!

Opposition Melling was eventually forced to retire, not out on 26, to have a 2 minute break before it was his second innings. Unfortunately, Opposition Melling II was even better at the pull shot than Opposition Melling I. He quickly reached 27 before retiring. Ringer Worthy claimed he had put the Voodoo on Opposition O’Keefe II, by taking out his middle stump again, before Carib Weaver forced Opposition Bowditch to chip a dolly to Carib Willis in the covers. Unfortunately, this brought Melling III to the crease. He was now really nailing the pull shot and started phase 3 with a couple more boundaries.

With the score on 128 from 19 overs, Mr Haigh brought normally reliable Carib Willis on to bowl the final over. The first 3 balls brought 2 runs, including a dropped catch of Opposition Butler II. A wide followed, before Opposition Butler II copied Opposition Melling I, Melling II and Melling III by hitting an almighty pull shot, but this time it went for 6. Carib Captain Haigh offered the bowler some support by informing him that it was the first 6 of the season. The second 6 of the season followed next ball, before a scrambled 2 finished the innings. Mr Gooch was heard checking whether this was the most costly over in Carib history.

Chasing a record 146 to win, the Carib Beer boys needed some good batting throughout. Carib Turner opened the batting with debutant Ringer Payne. Both batters quickly settled and got the runs ticking over quite smoothly. When Ringer Payne was removed for 8, Carib Haigh was brought to the crease. The two batsmen took the game to the sailor men, before Carib Turner retired on 26. At this stage, Carib Haigh was perfecting his lofted cut shot towards Carib (fielding for the sailor men) Gooch normally resulting in 4. Carib Gooch was fielding by his Stella (Artois) and requested a quick fielding swap with (newly elected to the Mr Haigh and the Carib Beer XI) Mr Haigh and the Carib Beer XI Turner. Mr Haigh and the Carib Beer XI Turner was wearing a Shell T-Shirt (i.e. a white T-Shirt with a Shell Badge – not a 1980’s type shell material t-shirt).

The very next shot, Mr Haigh, Captain, star batsman and possibly the only player capable of steering the Carib to 146 runs hit an air-bound shot to the Mr Gooch region. Mr Haigh and the Carib Beer XI Turner ran in and caught Mr Haigh, Captain, star batsman and possibly the only player capable of steering the Carib to 146 runs.

This unsavoury episode did bring Carib Weaver to the crease, who went on to make an excellent 25 not out – and was given the Man of the Match award for this much improved display. Batsmen Worthy, Bowen, Gooch and Willis came and went, but after needing to be re-elected into the Carib Turner caught Mr Haigh, Carib were always fighting an uphill battle. The final score of 128 was the Carib finest batting effort ever and should surely give more confidence for future weeks.

After the match, both teams (or one and a half teams) retired to the local pub. At this stage, Carib Willis was required to complete a receipt for fees paid by the Sailor Boys. It is believed that this is the first ever receipt Carib Beer XI have ever completed.

During the refreshments, the match reporter interviewed the players on some of the key moments. Quotes below…

“I saw one of the opposition picking at the seam. They had one of those long little finger nails…” Carib Gooch, explaining the extra swing on the delivery that crucified his stumps.

“I got to face some more favourable bowling than normal” – Carib Weaver, reasoned why he played better than normal. This is also an admission that he doesn’t attend many Carib nets sessions.

“I enjoyed playing for the Carib Beer XI” – Ringer Payne, on debut.

“I have heard lots about the Carib Beer XI” – Ringer Payne.

“Who’s Mr Haigh?” - Ringer Payne, when looking at the badge for the Mr Haigh and the Carib Beer XI.

“Which one?” – Ringer Bailey when asked to explain the catch he dropped.

“I’m just happy to maintain my not out status” – Carib White, the present day Geoffrey Boycott who was asked to pad up with only 2 balls left.

“Jarrod was faster than Peter” – Mr Bowen, the Carib Wicket Keeper and best judge on who is the fastest bowler in the Carib Beer XI.

“I just hope that next time I’ll be even faster” – Ringer Jarrod is enjoying being the Caribs new fastest bowler.

“It’s all about the bruises” – Ringer Jarrod, when asked whether he would consider pitching up his bowling a few yards, and potentially getting more wickets.

“I was ****ing pleased” – Ringer Turner, on his feelings when he caught Carib Captain Haigh.

“I was a little perplexed as there was a fielding change. Very disappointed, my heart sunk.” Mr Haigh was disappointed by Carib Turners actions.

“The morality of Regents Park is brought into question by charging extra for a poor quality, allegedly Minor Counties pitch” – Mr Haigh talks wickets.

“I thought that the ground staff had prepared a great track and the scores showed that. Anyone who thinks differently knows less about cricket than me.” Mr Gooch – questioning the captains cricketing brain.

“I was helping him to avoid a fine” – Mr Gooch, after telling Mr Haigh that Mr Weaver took a can of beer on to the pitch before the start of the Shell innings

*Balls faced in brackets

Tour Manager Andy Weaver about to field the ball.	Glen 'Mr Gooch' Rayner fielding at square leg.	Floppy Hatted Ringer Rob Bailey having an on field nap.	Non Striker Martin Haigh, with official Umpire Michael Lee sipping a beer.	Martin about to carve one into the Off Side for a single	Guest scorer, Barry Willis, in Official Scorer Peter Rogerson's absence
Mr Gooch practising his much used forward defensive shot	Captain Martin Haigh, after being dismissed again.	Short Pitched Bowler and Ringer Jarod hits towards leg.	Bouncer bowling Ringer Jarod waiting to bat.	New Member Steve Turner after a fine not out innings	Mr Turner attempts to play a rising delivery