Carib Beer XI vs IBM, Greenwich Park,

Tuesday 13th June 2023

Four in four, a five-fer, a golden duck and the winning runs - Yusuf was a walking match report at Greenwich, Caribs' favourite ground (favourite ground of all those who live closest to it - Ed).

In future, whenever our opponents approach our total with balls and wickets to spare, Caribs will recall the Spirit of Greenwich, knowing that a game-changing 'four in four' is always possible. We can also be sure that Captain Haigh will be more hesitant in future about any request for a 'last man standing' finale. Carib Moss nearly demanded the Carib Privileges Committee be convened to settle the matter.

IBM had begun their innings confidently, consolidating after an early wicket by Ringer Shelley. Carib Kant saved a couple of boundaries at the expense of his dodgy calf. Carib Weaver suffered a collision with an IBM batsman (Carib Holmes later carried out a real-life replay in the second innings). Ringer Akansh was lively in the field, flicking the ball with his foot into his hand and spearing it towards the stumps, nearly rewarded with a run-out. Carib Haigh uncharacteristically spilled a catch at mid-on. Carib Holmes did some shadow-catching in the covers (for which he is later bantered by Carib Horn) and throws down the stumps from square leg, the batsman only just making his ground. Meanwhile, Carib Extras approached retirement.

But then Carib Yusuf runs through the opposition - bowled, bowled, bowled! Everyone up. Another magic ball hands an easy catch to Carib Holmes (imagine if you'd dropped it - Ed). Cue memorable celebrations. Whatever four-in-four is called (definitely not a double hat-trick), it elevates Carib Yusuf to the lofty company of Lasith Malinga and Jason Holder. Carib Kant took a valuable wicket unusually bowling spin, caught on the run in the covers, and it's 129 to win.

The Carib innings begins well, the long-lost 2019 bat facing the first ball. Carib Holmes saw off a baseball-style chucker, pitching his first-ever over in cricket (thank goodness he didn't get you out - Ed). Ringer Vishal bowls some amazing shapes from around the wicket, taking four-fer, and Umpire Yusuf coaches IBM bowlers, two more generous acts of charity from Caribs to the opposition. Ringer Shelley faces a perilous over: a missed run out, a missed stumping, dot, dot, bowled. IBM take two wickets in two balls, with Carib Horn on strike for the third. There's a big appeal, and IBM think he's plum in front, but Umpire Haigh sees bat first. Relief. Carib Horn repays the favour with some typically textbook strokes, top-scoring on 22.

Carib Kant is our last man. Our hero hobbles out with a smile on his face and a runner to his side. Said runner had been advised by senior Caribs that a helmet was unnecessary but was quickly reminded by an unimpressed Umpire Haigh that this was technically against the Laws. A blind eye is turned. Carib Kant clubs a gorgeous boundary. The scores are soon level, and Carib Yusuf on strike. The runner begins a kamikaze run, and an unlikely draw is briefly in prospect, before he is rescued by a misfield at mid-on, and Caribs celebrate a memorable victory with a leg-bye.

Carib Beer XI Win by 2 Wickets

Scorecard