Audit Commission - 17th July 2007 - Regent Park

This week, it was the Audit Commission's turn to inflict aother defeat on the hapless the Carib Beer XI Whipping Boys, as our miserable season continued today in an unusually sunny and warm Regent's Park. We have now secured only a single victory this season, against six defeats, easily the worse showing in our history, and the cracks in the team morale are becoming more apparent with each game. Teamwise, we were still without the assistance of our Resourceful Redheaded Northerner Carib Cordey and A&E mainstay Rich Harris, but welcomed back the services of Veteran Opening Bowler Carib Rogerson (Relegated to the position of 2nd best bowler in the team during his absence last week at the hands of Ringer Worthy), New Member Turner and Occasional Single Scorer Gordon Berry. New Carib Member Michael Lee was in attendance in his usual official capacity as Resolutely Unflappable and Fair Minded Official Umpire. Aware of the potential quality of the opposition, the match was duly categorised as a category I game, further adding to our misery.

Our Captain and Team Mentor Martin Haigh went out to toss up with the opposition captain on a good looking pitch, but which after all the heavy rain, was a candidate for some juicy bounce, given that the sun had been shining on it all day. It's fair to say that Martin's tossing this year has been woeful, however, after much practice tossing in the privacy of his own home, his lone practice sessions appear to be finally bearing fruit, winning as he did, his first toss of the year. Rumour has it that this time he tried using his other hand for the purposes of tossing, but whatever the reason, we finally had a winning tosser out in the middle and the opposition were duly inserted and the Carib Boys began to take the field.

Returning Veteran Opening Bowler Carib Rogerson took the first over and began tidily, as did returning New Member Steve Turner, bowling into a strong wind from the other end. The first overs were tidy, although the efficient openers didn't appear to be too troubled on a surprisingly true Regents Park surface. However, in the third over, Veteran Carib Rogerson overstrained his aging back and slung down a huge wide which Auditor Bradley could only reach by flinging himself six feet to his right. However, unknown to most of the team, he feathered the faintest of edges through to New Member and Keen Wicketkeeper Andy Bowen. Not hearing the tickle, the umpire gleefully turned to his team mates to signal the wide, only for the sportsmanlike opening batsmen to own up to his indiscretion and walk, giving the Caribs their first wicket, and bringing Gatting Look-Alike Auditor Jarman to the crease.

After taking the first wicket, Carib Rogerson was removed from the attack by Captain Haigh and replaced by Ringer Worthy, young pretender to the crown of Carib Fastest Bowler, on account of the number of bouncers that Keen Wicketkeeper and New Member Andy Bowen was forced to take last week. Quick(ish) Ringer Worthy was soon joined by Vice Captain and Deputy Match Reporter Barry Willis from the other end and in his first over forced Auditor Ball to spoon a catch to Reliable Line and Length bowler Rob White, leaving the Auditors 2 down. Our Captain and Blue Blooded Leader Martin Haigh brought himself on to bowl and immediately went for 8 in his first over, as the Auditors began to push their innings along into 2nd gear. However, before long Captain Martin Haigh got one through the defences of Auditor Wraith bringing Unknown Quantity J Bywell to the crease. As New Member Turner returned to the attack Mr Bywell began to loosen his arms and drove a huge straight four that didn't leave the ground and the team looked on omminously, as we realised we were facing the engine room of the Auditing batting line up. Before the over was out, New Member Turner had been dispatched onto the adjacent pitch for a huge six, and a huge accelleration was underway.

Hapless Line and Length Bowler Rob White continued from the other end and his first over was severely punished, disappearing for two huge sixes as Mr Bywell neared his retirement score of 25 in only a few minutes. Mr Haigh called across to Mr Rogerson to begin limbering up, however, before the over was complete Auditor Bywell was past the milestone and forced to retire, and the collective chests of the Carib Beer XI heaved a sigh of relief, although we now realised that we had a target to chase. At the other end, Auditor Jarman had been steadily compiling his innings and was soon too forced to retire unbeaten on 25, putting the Caribs finally amongst the lower order of the Auditing Batting Line up.

P Jarman and J Ware continued to pile on the runs in the absence of their heavy scoring top order, but as Captain "I've Never Claimed to be Posh" Martin Haigh continued from the Elephant Enclosure End, P Jarman was induced to spoon a catch up to square leg, where Dependable Boundary Fielder and Scarily Good Thrower Ringer Hannah was patrolling. Although the fear in her eyes suggested that the prospect of catching a cricket ball wasn't an every day occurence, she nevertheless held onto the chance, giving Captain Martin Haigh his second wicket of the innings. Hearing Martin's gleeful happiness as he rushed towards her shouting "Thank you Hannah for saving my bowling figures" was heartening for all who witnessed it.

With the returning Opening Bowler Carib Rogerson taking the wicket of Auditor Watts and C Temple succumbing to a suicidal runout, the Auditors innings reached its conclusion, but not before Martin's figures were further damaged as he went for 8 runs from his final over, to leave them on a respectable 111.

Having chased 145 the previous week, and falling only 17 runs short, 111 was not an impossible task, as long as we began well. A couple of decent innings from our most reliable batsman, with contributions from some of the others, and we felt that the target was not out of our reach. Reliable Batsman and New Member Steve Turner, along with Tour Manager Andy Weaver, were selected to open the batting and get us off to the start that we needed.

Big Six Hitting Auditor Bywell, and apparently star player, opened the bowling and initially, we progressed slowly, losing Tour Manager Andy Weaver in the third over with only 3 on the board. New Member, Keen Wicketkeeper and Slow Starting Batsman Andy Bowen came in at three and the slow scoring rate continued, leaving us with only 9 on the board after a full quarter of our innings had gone and the prospect of a rather turgid run chase was on the cards. However, Wicketkeeper Bowen fell for 8, after scoring all his runs off the final 4 balls of his long 16 ball innings, bringing Captain and Possessor of Reasonable Bowling Statistics Martin Haigh to the crease, and finally, the scoring rate began to increase as the lack of depth of the Auditor bowling attack began to show. Unfortunately, Martin Haigh was soon dismissed for 9, under the circumstances a disappointing score that not even Ringer Hannah could salvage on this occassion.

The fall of Martin's wicket brought Emerging Middle Order Stalwart, Previous Man Of The Match Recipient and New Bowling Talent Glen Rayner, or Mr Gooch, to the crease. Displaying his new Graham Gooch Backlift, he mercilessly defended everything that was thrown at him for a full 11 balls before falling for a stern 1 run. From the other end New Member Turner had continued to accumulate runs, hitting 4 fours in his innings of 25 not out before being forced to retire. What came next wasn't pretty as Disappointing Batsman and Veteran Opening Bowler Carib Rogerson arrived at the crease to face new bowler Auditor Bradley. Unfortunately, the first ball was straight and full and the Veteran Bowler watched in horror as his stumps were disturbed for a first ball duck. However, things got worse, as his replacement Carib White took guard as Auditor Bradley squared up for his second ball of the match. His next ball was also on target and the team watched in dismay as the stumps were again knocked about leaving another Red Faced Carib heading back to the hutch and the Carib Batting line up in serious trouble, having slipped from 48-3 to 48-6 in 2 overs.

However, the next two batsman to the crease were to play two match saving innings and very nearly get us up to the target. The two Batsmen were Bouncer Bowling and Occassional Ringer Jarod Worthy, along with Vice Captain and Deputy Match Reporter Barry Willis. Although the bowling by this time had mellowed somewhat, and the scorecard bouyed by some very wide deliveries from the Second Tier bowling attack, the two batsman played determined innings and the score began to accellerate towards its target. Vice Captain Willis actually appeared to have perfected a new shot during the course of his innings and the usual nurdler began to climb into the short pitched bowling with some vigour, dispatching the ball to third man on several occassions with his newly discovered Late Cut. His companion at the crease, apparently freed from the pressure of having his own bat with him this time (Having scored virtually none on the days that he's brought it along) provided able support and with 4 overs to go, the Caribs were left with a not ungettable 25 runs. However, as the opening bowlers returned, the pressure was again applied to the Carib Lower Order and the run chase slowed. Nevertheless, we were to find ourselves only 9 runs short of the target at the end of our 20 overs, a not unrespectable effort.

Although we had lost the match, we could take some heart from the fact that we had again avoided a potentially heavy defeat against these opponents. Carib Willis and Ringer Worthy had restored some pride to the Scorecard, after the woeful showing of our middle order, and maybe, with a few more runs "Early Doors" we could even have overhauled the Auditors target. The other positives to be taken from the game were the salvaging of Martin's bowling figures by Dependable Boundary Fielder Hannah Jennings, not to mention his return to form in the tossing department, the continued renassaince of Dependable Middle Order Whacker Glen Rayner and a fine 25 not out by In Form New Member Steve Turner. Next week sees the second match of the season against the usual collection of work colleagues and Ringers from the Bank of England in what promises to be a highly enjoyable and Beer Soaked Wicketfest. Boe news at the moment has their line up consisting of four women and no sign of Carib Nemesis Nick Moore, allowing many more opportunities for Martin's figures to show further improvement, assuming he can again juggle the bowling attack to ensure that he bowls at them.

Due to an early departure, this week's Match Reporter was unable to engage in the post match interviews in the pub after the game, however, a quote from Ringer Worthy is perhaps worth repeating. After asking Official Scorer and Veteran Opening Bowler Rogerson for his bowling figures, and being informed of said Veteran Bowler's own, he quoth, words to the effect of "No, you can have the title of Carib Fastest Bowler Back as far as I'm concerned". It would appear that a valuable lesson had been learned.

The imposing figure of Mr Gooch, Glen Rayner	Opening Batsman and Tour Manager Andy Weaver.	Martin after many hours of lone tossing, finally wins a toss of his own	The delightful Ringer Hannah watching from the boundary edge.	The delightful Hannah Jennings showing the boys how to throw a cricket ball	Barry with New Member Andy Bowen applauding a shot, probably.
The tense ranks of the Carib Boys watch the run chase unravelling	Captain Marting Haigh driving high into the leg side.	New Member Turner taking guard during his not out innings	Mr Turner sweeping for four.	Mr Gooch provides yet another batting master class to his hapless teammates	A pensive looking tour manager contemplates another Carib batting failure
New Member Andy Bowen, batting.	Vice Captain Willis and bouncer bowling Ringer Jarod rescue the Carib innings with a valuable partnership	New member Andy Bowen enjoying a much anticipated cold one.

*Balls faced in brackets