Carib Beer XI vs IBM, Regents Park, Monday 21st May 2018

What to expect for the first fixture of the season? Outfield resembling a rice paddy, pudding-like wicket, threatening clouds and frostbite? Not this year. The scent of flowers hung heavy in the Regent's Park air. The sun burned in a deep blue sky. OK, there was an alarming roll of thunder from somewhere over the Bank as we gathered, but the offending clouds slunk away leaving a near-perfect evening for us to take on one of our favourite opponents - IBM.

The Caribs were a picture in whites, wrongly suggesting a degree of competence. The IBMers by contrast sported a range of shorts and other athletic gear, rightly suggesting that they were probably the fitter side. And if the weather wasn't at all early-season, the cricket certainly was. Between us we rattled up 100 runs in extras (neatly split 50-50) and only 83 off the bat in the 36 overs played. But to begin at the beginning….

Strengthened by our esteemed New Caribs, solid batsman Horn and Exocet launching Tanveer, we unusually fielded a ringer-free XI. Actually we didn't as Ageing Medium Pacer Rogerson had discovered another pressing engagement at the last minute. Still, ten Caribs is pretty good considering that our Captain, MCC member and Best Batsman had not only absented himself for the frivolous purpose of completing his Munro bagging but had lured newly appointed Vice-captain Weaver to join him, a disappointing example set by the club's top brass (but one which enabled the odd Carib to indulge in some on-field refreshment). And as IBM had only 9 players themselves the day's captains wisely agreed to play 10-a-side.

In his first official appearance as Deputy Vice Captain Carib Rayner respected our tradition by losing the toss and IBM decided to bat. Deputy Vice Captain Carib Rayner allowed New Carib Tanveer only a single over (in which he despatched IBM Pettit to a good catch by the Northern Bakery Magnate) before despatching him to the outfield. Even so our early bowlers kept it tight, wickets to Caribs Worthy and Willis restricting IBM to 24-3 after 8 overs.

Essex Boy Carib Willis being a little rusty had clearly forgotten the need to butter up authority, first instructing Carib Umpire Lee to take his discarded sandwich wrapper then demanding to be provided with sun-cream. Interested readers may wish to watch the records for the rest of the season to see whether Carib Willis wins any lbw decisions - and how many times he loses his own wicket that way.

By now IBM Young was at the wicket - with a runner. Excellent! We waited for the inevitable mix-up. But this IBM side were more organised than that, and there was never even the flicker of a snafu. As IBM Young endlessly played and missed at wide ones we'd surely take her wicket soon anyway. Except that she met anything straight with the most solid of bats.

Our bowlers, even Half-track Bouncer Bowling Carib Worthy (failing to live up to his sobriquet) were bowling a full length. Fixture Secretary Carib Moss gave the ball so much air that, had there been low cloud cover, it would surely have disappeared momentarily. Conscious of the need to bat last some sought to protect the wicket by not pitching on it at all. Carib Willis was offended when the IBMer who had come to the wicket carrying a helmet decided it wasn't necessary to wear it against his brand of Essex bowling. The Northern Bakery Magnate had little luck, repeatedly finding the edge and having a decent shout for lbw predictably turned down by Carib Umpire Lee, who was leaning towards mid-on to avoid his view being obstructed by the Magnate's follow-through, and couldn't make the mental parallax adjustment without a calculator. Eventually he did dispose of IBM Wallia caught by Carib Holmes, and though even Exocet launching Tanveer couldn't dislodge IBM Young he did keep the runs down and removed more two IBMers - one with a deadly leg-stump Yorker. Boosted by a final over yielding 14 runs including a 6, IBM reached a modest 91 from 20 overs.

This total was surely reachable as long as we didn't do anything silly. Deputy Vice Captain Carib Rayner decided to open with the two people least likely to be guilty of this and Emeritus Carib Holmes and New Carib Horn strode to the wicket. There followed seven overs of solid, steady batting as the openers enjoyed the evening sunshine, but when Holmes finally fell in the seventh over they had only managed 29 runs. Shunning the obvious route to acceleration, DVC Carib Rayner now sent in Leftie Carib Berry, another correct rather than mercurial batsman. Now with more than a little help from Extras the scoreboard did start moving less glacially. Carib Berry fell to an lbw decision which I understand had its critics, but which looked fine to me from square leg. Perhaps it was a ploy to bring in one of our big hitters. Or perhaps not; now DVC Carib Rayner came to the crease.

IBM Andreas, making his cricketing debut, had been bowling good and straight but with an action which might cause some concern in more fastidious company. However the next minor controversy came at the other end. Keen to avoid the full tosses dished out by others, IBM Spicer produced a delivery which pitched twice before hitherto solid batsman Horn poked it straight back to the bowler. A short debate ensued about quite how many bounces constituted a no-ball, but having concluded that two was insufficient the dismissal stood. IBM should have stuck to bowling two-bouncers as shortly afterwards DVC Rayner escaped after holing out to a high full toss, which does activate the 'Get out of jail' card.

Now Carib Willis was at the crease and we wondered whether he too would entertain us with his cultured defensive strokes. One clean switch hit later we knew. Switch hitting will now have to be added to the forward defensive as something Willis can do. Odd mixture. The run rate was picking up. The running was getting more energetic. Until DVC Carib Rayner, turning for a second, displayed the combined grace of Widdecombe and Balls in tripping himself up and landing with a serious thump. Ever considerate, his batting partner (who shall remain nameless - let's just call him BW) remarked that this was understandable as DVC Rayner had never had to turn for a second run before.

It didn't matter. 10 runs off the fifteenth over made the result safe and six balls later we had won by seven wickets. The companies repaired to the traditional hostelry for ale and tales of heroic feats. A splendid start to the season.

Carib Beer XI Win by 7 Wickets

Scorecard