Northern Trust vs Carib Beer XI, Greenwich Park,

Thursday 26th July 2018

Although scheduled to be our second match of the season against our familiar opponents and colleagues of Carib Goochie, Northern Trust, this was in fact our first match due to the previous and only cancellation earlier this year.

Amongst the Carib ranks was now familiar ringer Nitin, an employee of Northern Trust, although still within his probation period at that illustrious company.

Northern always field a strong side and they have added to their squad with the inclusion of crooked armed swing bowler Nitin, although on this occasion Carib Goochie did a tremendous job of reminding Nitin that his allegiances should lie with the Carib's and not NT. This allegiance was tested when the NT team, assembled and drinking copious amounts of amber refreshment at the bottom of Greenwich Park spotted Nitin and Goochie strolling to the pitch and enquired why he had said he was unavailable for them. After 15 minutes of questioning NT finally gave up on convincing Nitin that his career was more important and we were allowed to continue up the slope in 35 degree heat.

Upon arrival at the scorched cricket ground (Alex's favourite pitch on our roster) there were decidedly few players. Although a fair number of scantily clad spectators could be seen dotted around. One particularly alluring bronzed temptress seemed to have attracted the attentions of 8 beer drinking birthday boy and bouncer bowling Jarrod, alas Jarrod's charm offensive seemed to fail as she moved off to a more distant corner of the ground dragging her poor bewildered son behind her.

Gradualy more Caribs and the adequately refreshed NT team made it to Alex's favourite pitch on the roster and people began getting changed. Around this time was one of the more unfortunate incidents that any Carib has witnessed, as many will be familiar, our captain and chairman is soon to go off on a sabbatical, This author now suspects this will involve visiting past colonies and reminiscing on what might still be, and in a post Brexit world, may be again. Within 2 minutes of seeing Nitin, Martin, not content with his previous 30 minute inquisition of Nitin's bowling action, pounced on the chance to ask if he were familiar with these playing conditions and what the temperature back in India was. Graciously Nitin answered that he was quite comfortable in the heat, and 8 beer Jarrod thought it wise to lighten (no pun intended) the tense exchange by saying that Nitin's complexion probably helped.

Once the remaining players arrived, it was decided to toss to see who would bat and what rules we would be playing under. It should be noted that every Carib toss has been lost this year and NT had actually won every toss. It was all set then for Maritn to fail again, but the unthinkable happened, Martin won the toss and elected to field. A somewhat bizarre decision considering the conditions, but who knew what tricks Martin would have up his sleeve....

It would transpire not many, with bat or ball. NT started fast and went on accumulating runs at a rate that the Caribs have never reached, this was despite the best efforts of 3rd choice wicket keeper Alex, some fine fielding displays, a great running catch from Swanand off the bowling of Carib Moss, whose amazing figures of 1-0-4-1, indicates he maybe an underused resource in the Carib armoury and lastly the efforts of birthday boy and 8 beer drinking Jarrod who did a fine job at fly slip (I think is the technical term for this field placement)

Whilst all of this was going on, it was observed that the NT team were trying the same tactics as Jarod with the same failed results with other scantily clad bathing beauties. Even to the extent that they deliberately smashed a four straight at Jarod's earlier victim who immediately complained that she had gone to the furthest corner of the park to escape the cricketeters' foul clutches. So after the 20 overs were up - 10 bowled from the same end, before a drinks break and a switch to bowling from the opposite end, both Carib firsts; NT had racked up 166 with 2 retirees and 5 wickets down.

Next up was NTs reply...... At this point our match reporter left, perhaps upset by his golden duck. So memories of the Carib innings are sparse. Suffice to say we were never in the run chase, Jarrod wasn't allowed to bat and Bazza tried a switch hit. A fourth hammering in a row, but the Caribs were able to console themselves with the thought of a match against Old Boys the following week.

Carib Beer XI Lose by 39 Runs

Scorecard