Carib Beer XI v Marauders - 29th July 2014 - Battersea Park.

The final game of our 10^th anniversary season would be against the Marauders, in Battersea Park, another team against whom we generally lose comfortably. However, there was some cheering pre-game news when our fixture secretary, Andy Moss, informed us that the opposition planned on drinking a few cans of beer during the course of the match in order to give us a chance. The usual questions about whether this would also apply to us were firmly rebuffed by our Captain, and leader, Martin Haigh, who insisted on the usual level of Carib professionalism throughout the game.

It would be another beautiful evening with blue skies and high temperatures decidedly unconducive to keeping our copious beers cold until such time as we would be able to make a start on them. Unfortunately, it was this thought, i.e. of having to drink warm beer, that convinced some of the Caribs to flout Martin’s instructions and crack open a couple of pre-games cans themselves – regaling those who chose not to participate with descriptions of their cooling effects. Our Captain, Martin Haigh, was understandably livid at the unprofessionalism of his charges, and promised consequences for those participating, not least of which included his own withering disapproval.

Nevertheless, we were at least happy to witness the opposition arriving at the ground and promptly cracking open tins of their own, as they had promised. Now time for the toss, our captain, and leader, Martin Haigh engaged the opposition captain and tossed the coin into the air. The Marauders skipper, of course, called correctly, serving another tossing defeat to our captain, Martin Haigh. We were promptly asked to field, which under the circumstances, we were all generally happy with, and we began the process of rousing ourselves and heading out into the middle for what was likely to be another pasting, and plenty of ball fetching from the bushes ringing the ground.

Opening the bowling for the Caribs would be the old vice skipper, Carib Rogerson, and the bouncer bowling mid-pitch long-hop merchant, Carib Worthy. Initially, the radars of both the aging bowlers was somewhat off, with Carib Rogerson’s first few woeful deliveries being treated with the contempt they deserved and soundly smashed to the boundary. After only an over, the Marauders already had 10 on the board and no doubt thoughts of a huge thumping swirling around our already shell-shocked heads. Carib Worthy’s opening over, while much better than the legendarily awful, but hugely comical, first over he had delivered against RSSB two weeks previously, also included its fair share of half- track wides. Luckily, things were to improve somewhat in the third over as the improving old vice skipper managed to induce the Marauders opener, and captain, Marauder Morey, into feathering one down to our reliable, and very keen, but generally butter fingered keeper, Carib Bowen, and we had secured our first wicket.

Not wishing to remove the vintage Rogerson from the attack just yet, having taken a wicket with the final ball of his second over, our captain and leader, Martin Haigh, decided to introduce the beamer bowling Carib Nag (Ken) into the attack to replace our chief bouncer bowler, Carib Worthy. Sadly, the pattern was to continue, however, as the usually nippy, but beamer prone Carib Nag (Ken) decided to send down a few bouncers of his own, which while not threatening the stumps, certainly rattled the Marauders top order, given that the pitch was already exhibiting signs of some marked variable bounce. Unfortunately, however, that was to be the end of the wickets for a few overs as the Marauders numbers 2 & 3 settled in for some serious run scoring. The aging Vice Skipper, Carib Rogerson, was able to complete his four overs, and mercifully return to his favoured position on the fine leg boundary without further incident, and Carib Nag’s two overs of beamers produced little but a steady improvement of the Marauder’s batting averages as both batsmen closed in on their compulsory retirement scores and the Caribs took it in turns on their hands and knees to search through various bushes for the tell-tale signs of an increasingly misshapen pink ball.

As both Marauders, Lord and Bennett, passed 25 and were forced to leave the field, we found ourselves bowling at two new batsmen. To bowl at them, our captain, and leader, Martin Haigh, brought both himself and our injury prone Health and Safety manager, Carib Willis into the attack. As usual, it turned out to be an inspired decision, as our Health and Safety manager’s very first hand-grenade induced Marauder Larry into dancing down the pitch and swiping extravagantly at empty air. The delivery, slow and loopy enough to be easily avoided by anything but the most ........ (uncomplete)

Peter Rogerson

Scorecard - Carib Beer XI Lose by 13 runs