The Trinidad Test
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Carib Beer XI vs Bank of England Allstars - July 16th 2008

After their pasting in the first match of the season, the Bank of England Allstars were clearly up for the return match this time round. Doughty cider drinking wicket keeper Kieron Palmer had been elevated to the captaincy after the cruel sacking of hapless Bouncer Bowling Jarrod Worthy and Sporty James Lamyman even vowed to stay off the booze until five minutes after arriving at the ground, demonstrating that this time, he seriously meant business. Word of their previous heavy defeat had clearly wounded a few people's pride and their lust for revenge meant that for the first time ever, they were able to field a full team. They were even able to lend us two of their unselected players to make up for the absence of medium pace dobbler Carib Willis, moving home to deepest Essex, and serial injury prone Rich Harris, who seems to have moved all the way to Manchester in an effort to avoid taking the kit bag home.

Amongst the Boe Team were some recognisable faces from previous encounters, Floppy Hatted Village Green Tweaker and occassional Carib Ringer Bailey, Northern Dot Botherer and general duck monger Andy Moss and sometimes useful nurdler Tahir, but they were also fielding some new faces, all, of course, never having played since school, in Boe Hayes's case, only a few weeks ago, but in Boe Scott's case, likely to be a period measured in decades. Nevertheless, the match promised to be an enjoyable game, un-categorised of course, meaning that on field drinking was allowed, if not encouraged, much to Captain Martin Haigh's continuing annoyance.

The venue for the game was in deepest Finsbury Park, a pitch we have only played at once before, and although it does have a clubhouse, it seems to require the entire organisation of Islington Council, parks department, to get the door opened. Thankfully, a passing policeman knew someone who had the key, so we were at least able to eventually borrow the springy stumps that have the advantage of making even the most innocous bowler look like he's splayed the stumps all over the park, much to the embarassment of the batsmen. The pitch was artificial, however, which meant that even Jarrod Worthy would likely be wary of bowling half way down the pitch, (however, in his case, the result seemed to be a curious decision to begin his run up from Bob's Kebab shop next to Dalston Kingsland station).

Nevertheless, our captain, second best batsmen and chairman, Martin Haigh correctly called the toss, for an eyewateringly successful second week in succession, and we decided to have a bowl. Compulsive Bouncer Bowling Jarrod Worthy and New Face Boe Thompson elected to open the innings. Newly forty year old medium pace bowler Boe Rogerson and Boe Turner would take the new ball. The ageing fast Bowler's first over was against friendly rival and recently sacked captain Jarrod Worthy, who, obviously wary of again losing his stumps to his elder and more successful rival, played out the entire over for a maiden, much to the chagrin of his team mates on the boundary.

At the other end, Boe Turner also bowled accurately, and after two overs, the Bank team had yet to trouble the scorers (who in any case were busy screaming "whack it you muppet" from the boundary edge). The third over saw the the Rogerson / Worthy contest continue in the same vein, until the third ball, when the heckling and sledging from the boundary finally got too much for the compulsive bouncer bowler and he chipped one up to mid-wicket to end a second miserable game against his much respected elder for his second duck of the season, maintaining his 100% failure rate. Obviously his claim that the burden of captaincy was holding him back during his previous failure has now been proven false, and that the burden he has actually been suffering from is more likely one of delusion rather than pressure. One hopes he takes heed of the well meant advice offered him in the changing rooms after the game if he is to ever score another run or bowl a ball in the batsman's half of the pitch.

Next man in was the previously completely hammered James Lamyman, all round sportsman and general thorn in the side of any bowling attack. Obviously, on this occassion, sobriety was the order of the day, a sobriety in fact that would have made Chris Tavare look like a drunken street bum, was played out in the middle for the next few overs. Carib White's accurate overs went for very few, and sensing the possible benefit to his own bowling averages, our best batsmen and captain Martin Haigh even opted for a couple of early overs. Occassional run scorer Tahir Paracha joined Mr Lamyman in the middle to continue the dirge like runrate.

[Match report abandoned due to holiday]

Carib Beer XI Win by 8 Wickets

Boe Captain Palmer recieved emergency Kit surgery
Martin Haigh in full delivery stride
Boe lamyman just prior to being too drunk to see
Boe Lamyman wonders which ball to hit
Captain Martin haigh in full delivery stride
Sportsman James Lamyman attempts to cut
Boe Moss swings to leg
Carib Steve throws in from the boundary
Slow Scoring Ringer Andy Moss strides out to bat
A Boe Batsmen swings one towards cow corner
A Boe run in progress
Boe Moss scampers off for a single
Boe White hurls one in from the boundary
Boe Mr Gooch flings down another striaght one
Tour Manager Andy Weaver returns to his mark
Captain Martin Haigh captaining his side
Carib Wicketkeeper Andy Bowen
A Batsman, yesterday
Ringer Uttam claps another Carib delivery
Boe Berry juggles the cricket ball
Boe Worthy signals a wide, of his own bowling, most likely
Boe Worthy, umpiring, while Carib Berry bowls
Carib Ringer Uttam contemplates victory
The assembled ranks of the Boe Batting line up
Boe Captain Palmer attempts a stumping
Slow Scoring Boe Moss hits one back to the bowler
Boe Moss watches another one hit the wicket keeper's gloves
Boe Moss swings, and misses, probably.
Boe Thorogood ignoring the cricket
Boe Lamyman attempts to get drunk again
The Aftermath of Boe Lamyman's bowling spell
Carib Berry drives into the off side
Boe Lamyman leaves his can of beer to field the ball, probably.
Boe Carib Berry, fresh from scoring a single
Slightly tipsy Boe Lamyman bowling through a haze of alcohol
Floppy Hatted Twirler Boe Bailey adjusts his head attire
Boe Lamyman, after a few cans of beer, bowling.
boe captain Palmer attempts to get down to field a cricket ball


Bank of England All Stars      
Jarrod Worthy Caught Turner Bowled Peter Rogerson 0 (9)
Mark Thompson Bowled Steve Turner 1 (9)
James Lamyman Caught Uttam Bowled Rob White 15 (15)
Tahir Paracha Bowled Martin Haigh 7 (10)
Luke Thorogood Caught And Bowled Dave Griffin 22 (25)
Kieron Palmer Run out 3 (5)
Andrew Moss Caught ? Bowled Dave Griffin 5 (11)
R. Jones Caught ? Bowled Dave Griffin 2 (2)
Michael Hayes Caught ? Bowled Ringer Uttam 7 (4)
Paul Scott Not Out 1 (1)
Rob Bailey Bowled Ringer Uttam 2 (5)
EXTRAS     17
TOTAL   For 10 (20 overs) 82
Peter Rogerson 3-1-9-1 Steve Turner 2-1-2-1
Rob White 4-0-19-1 Martin Haigh 2-0-9-1
Andy Weaver 2-0-12-0 Mr Gooch 1-0-7-0
Gordon Berry 1-0-5-0 Richard Fuller 2-1-3-0
Dave Griffen 2-1-3-3 Ringer Uttam 1-0-5-2
Carib Beer XI      
Gordon Berry Caught Palmer Bowled Rob Bailey 22 (34)
Andy Bowen Caught & Bowled Luke Thorogood 5 (13)
Ringer Uttam Not Out 30 (17)
Steve Turner Not Out 11 (10)
Mr Gooch Not Out 0 (2)
EXTRAS     11
TOTAL   For 2 (14 Overs) 83
Jarrod Worthy 3-0-18-0 James Lamyman 3-0-6-0
Luke Thorogood 2-0-11-1 Tahir Paracha 2-1-11-1
Mark Thompson 1-0-17-0 Rob Bailey 2-0-15-1